It's a Sleepy Day

So, I'm tired. I was up until 2 a.m. last night. I ended up taking Gigi to the ER. Her underarm temp was 100.7 and when I got to the ER her rectal (pleasant, I know) was 101.7. Everything I read online said that you should add one to an underarm temp reading, so that was accurate. I kinda pushed for them to give me a script for Tamaflu because they diagnosed her with the flu, eventhough, they didn't test her and she doesn't have any other symptoms other than a snotty nose that she's had for a month. Her heart rate was slightly elevated, but that's common with a fever.

So, this morning she wakes - 8 hours since her last dose of Motrin - with no fever! Argh. I know they say they don't fever with teething, but she definately is cutting teeth. Here's my dilemma: do I give her the Tamaflu? I did give her Tylenol this morning. I am definately going to get it filled if I can. I think there's going to be a shortage, and I want it on hand. She has not been in contact with anyone who has H1N1 since this past weekend and they say you typically show symptoms within 1-4 days. Thursday night was over 96 hours since she was around Tyler, and 5 days since my uncle Steve and everyone else who ended up with it. No one else in our house has a fever, but none of us have felt great either. Craziness. Flip a coin, I guess!

So, they split Richard's route AGAIN. It's pretty much retarded. He wanted them to because he couldn't keep up, but it's going to be a significant paycut just when he got his pays back up to where they used to be before they split his route last time. I HATE commission jobs! I guess the good thing is that there is much more room for growth.

It's funny to examine the issues people have with money. I have to CONSTANTLY remind myself that God is my provider. That money is something we use to measure earthly pleasures and not eternal happiness. We believe it's very important to be good stewards of our blessings - you know, store during those 7 years of plenty to make way during the 7 years of famine. But I don't know - I know it's easy for me to generous and trust God when we have more than enough, but when things show the least little sign of getting tight, I have a fear that rises in me.

Argh. I hate my sinful self. Grace, grace, grace abounds . . .

Taking a Break

So after a morning of cleaning my disaster of a house, which still isn't clean, I'm actually sitting in the recliner with my feet up! Woohoo. I can't blog long, I have to make lunch, do yoga, work, clean some more, then get ready for my date with Richard! Woohoo!

Normally on Thursdays we do preschool but with the condition of the house, we bipassed that today. Evelyn actually already knows everything she needs to start kindergarten a year + early, so I'm not sweating it. (With the exception of picking up after herself)!

Okay. That's it. I have to do a talk this Sunday (to mostly teenagers/ young adults), any topic ideas?
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I'm not Mrs. Duggar

I have been pregnant or breastfeeding for five consecutive years. FIVE. I really, really (and could pretty easily) wean Gigi now. Some days she doesn't nurse at all, but I always have this tinge of guilt hanging over my head. I nursed the other two until they were 15 and 16 months. I feel like I'm cheating her. And, she had a cold right now that she's been fighting for weeks. Not too bad, but definately a snotty nose. And with the swine flu floating around ...

But the selfish, "I'm entitled to" part of me has no, absolutely no desire to nurse any more. Sigh. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a "guilty" mom. I fully believe that healthy moms make healthy kids, and I don't feel guilty about taking time for me. But this really has nothing to do with that. I just am tired of nursing. I'm willing myself right now to do it until she shakes this cold! YES! I AM!

Maybe I have a little bit of Mrs. Duggar in me;)
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The Search for a Friend, Part II

So today I met with India and her little boy, Solomon at a nearby park. We had a good time. They're new to the area so we chatted about good restaurants and churches. I met them when they attnded our church one Sunday. Nice people.

(That was actually Wednesday, but I'm just now finishing this post).

Anyway, I've decided that I just need to be friendly and put myself out there more and see what friends God brings to me. Not that I'm not being intentional about it. I just figure that maybe the reason I feel rather friendless is because I don't really reach out too much. We'll see. Just sheer ramblings here. Lol.
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Feeling Better

Well, I'm technically supposed to be running right now, but between the cold that I have and my asthma acting up it's not going too well. I probably ran about a mile. Now I'm walking along a utility access road in Bellaire waiting for my oil to be changed and my tires rotated. It's a beautiful day. Peak leaf, not too hot, not too cold.

As a was driving into town, trying to convince myself that I was going to be happy today, I started listening to the Lincoln Brewster CD that Richard had in the player. The song that was playing was God You Reign. That combined with my daily devotional helped me regain sight of the fact that God reigns. Despite my fears about what the future might hold, despite my worries about today, despite my personal insecurities, My God reigns! There will be a day where all that I put my hope in will come to be. And right now I'm thankful for that.

The day after an anxiety attack is hard. You're left to struggle with whether your anxiety was justified or if you're just plain crazy. You're physically and emtionally drained. And in my case, overwhelmed by the fact that you still have three children to care for. So thankful right now that we live close to my Mama. I hoped that Richard could take a sick day today, but he was behind on seeing his customers.

I have noticed some striking similarities between this and the last attack (in July) that hopefully will help me in the future. They both occurred during the same time in my monthly cycle, both were within a few days after Richard finsished taking classes, I consumed two caffeinated baverages those days (including chai tea from Starbucks), I was extremely tired both days and a little run-down (hence the need for Starbucks). I also was just discouraged both days; this time because of how poorly my students did on their test.

All the exhaust from the 1 million semi's on this road is not helping my asthma!

This helped too. So glad I started blogging again :D

I could use prayers, friends. Thank you.
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Question

Does anyone else have thoughts that disturb them so profoundly (when contemplating whether they could actually become true) that they get physically sick (vomitting and diareaha)? I'm seriously considering going to the doctor tomorrow.
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Maybe I should give up teaching.

So, I've really loved teaching this quarter. Up until today. Test day. Not only do tests examine the knowledge of the student, but to some degree they also evaluate the effectiveness of the teacher. Well, either I suck or they do. Even my best students struggled to pull-off a C. Only one student got an A, and none a B. 23 points I curved the test, and 7 out of 18 still failed.
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A Leadership Challenge and the Search for a Friend

I started a leadership team this year with some of the girls' in my youth group. Ideally, this would be a co-ed group, but I don't have any guys in my youth group that extend beyond crowd kids. So, it's a group of girls. When I was working the other day, I thought, "I've been doing a pretty poor job of working with the leaders in our group." And since, they're all so busy, I decided to start a private fb group and a weekly "leadership challenge" text. This follows on the heals of the what they learned at the leadership retreat this summer.

Well, this week's challenge was a clique buster. Their task was to either sit with or invite someone new to sit with their group at lunch. Sigh. Well, the one girl did it. I'm so proud of her, but apparantly, her other friends were "soo nice" to the boy that he left half-way through lunch. Argh. Frustration. We'll have to talk this out . . . . If they thought the challenge was hard, wait until I tell them they need to apologize to this kid.

So, I wrote about how I needed a friend, and I also am very keen on not challenging my youth group kids to try something that I'm not willing to try, so I thought: "Who the heck am I going to invite to sit with me at lunch?" Haha. But seriously, very rarely do I reach outside of my current circle of friends. I like to think it's because I'm confined to home and don't have access to people, but really, it's probably just because I'd rather not take the effort to make new friends.

So a few weeks ago, this couple showed up at our church, new to the area, she's a SAHM and they have a little boy (about 18 mo.). I started thinking, "Okay, I need to invite her to hang out with me." I was working up the nerve to call her - this afternoon - in the meantime, after teaching (we were out of TP completely) I ran into Kroger (kid free - Allelujia!) and I saw her! Argh. I took it as a sign from God (because I was seriously thinking about her in the parking lot). I was practically falling over myself trying to catch up with them. I was relieved that the box of tea I needed was in the aisle they were in. So I strolled over, casually, of course, and said, "Hey guys!" I made sure that I grabbed the box of tea from the shelf, so they didn't think I was tracking them down. Haha! We stood there and talked for 5 minutes or so, and I told her about how I was planning on going home to check the weather and see if there would be a good day to meet at the park to play. She seemed agreeable; although, my insecure part makes me feel like she thinks I'm nuts. Sigh . . . after reading this, maybe I am! To be continued . . .

I Need a Friend

I know the title of this blog may be alarming to those of you who read this because you are my friends. But I've really been thinking a lot lately about how I need a friend. Someone who lives close to me, is a SAHM, perhaps even someone who is going to homeschool. Someone who is definately a Christian. Argh. I'm a very introverted person - I don't need a lot of friends to be happy, but I need close friends - and all my close friends either have jobs or don't live anywhere near me. I also did a poor job of navigating the life adjustment from college to adulthood. In high school and college, you have 24-7 access to your friends. Once you graduate, especially if you don't enter the work-force, you lose that direct access to potential friends. I haven't been making a very intentional effort to find a friend.

But seriously, how do you do that without sounding ridiculous and desperate? It's like asking a boy to go to Sadie Hawkins with you when you're in Jr. High. "Hi! Are you a Christian? Are you a SAHM? Really, tell me more about yourself? Hmmm. . . . you seem like you'll work. Want to be my friend? Want to get together once a week to talk, let the kids play, and drink tea?"

Ah, I've really been struggling with this. All in God's time, right?