And so it goes . . .

I will blame my lack of blogging on three things: an old slow computer, slow internet, and my Blackberry. But it is far past the time that an update is needed.

If I believed in Karma, I would be prone to think that we're living a good life right now. But I don't. I do believe in God, and at this point in our life He is cascading blessings at us right and left. Most people would consider this a good thing, but I'm pretty much just confused. Highlights from our life.

Youth ministry is going well. Still progressing . . . and growing . . . and well, it's baby steps. I've been taking baby steps for three years. It's frustrating, and tiring, and draining. At some point, I just want to take one wild and crazy jump. I have so much vision and direction and hope and certainty that God will provide people and resources to tranform our church. I struggle with getting others to see that vision, to understand that we serve the God of the universe who is able to do infinately more than we ever dare to ask or imagine! Frustration churns in the midst of hope.

I had my first youth ministry "team meeting" yesterday. Believe it or not, we have never had another consistent volunteer in our youth ministry program other than Richard. It's sad. I know. I had one parent, one friend that I recruited from outside the church, and one session member show up. Plus, Richard and two of my teen leaders. It was a nice group. It was so wonderful to have people throwing out ideas that weren't coming from my own head. Their ideas were even better than mine! That's awesome. I love teams. Love them.

Evelyn turned four. Sigh. And sadness. And excitement, we're visiting a dance class tonight. I'm so proud of her. She's growing up just fine.

Motherhood is such a blessing. I was sharing with my youth girls the other day that my dreams in life were to get married and have babies. I'm living my dreams, and at the same time it's sort of discouraging that at 28 am not sure what I want to do with the rest of my life. Obviously, those roles will follow me, but it's odd for me to not have some major life goal that I'm working on. Right now, I'm just soaking in toddlerhood. :)

Richard, on the other hand, has accomplished very few of his dreams; he did marry me. He wants to play music for a living. Do full-time ministry. And provide for his family at the same time. He's a fantastic husband. He works so hard and rarely complains.

[I had someone in the church tell me that her husband couldn't help with the youth program because he works 60 hours a week. Of course, I responded graciously, but I wonder how people feel entitled to say that to me? Richard puts in 10 hour days, has Affix, school, a few other smaller responsibilities, volunteers, and puts US first. I don't expect other people to do all that. It's crazy, and he probably shouldn't be. But it does annoy me when people use that as an excuse].

So moving onward to my amazing, hard-working husband. (Here's where the Karma stuff comes into play).

1. Several weeks ago, Richard applied for a youth ministry position at a church in Wheeling. Not surprisingly, they offered him the job. However, after realizing, there would be no health benefits for our family, and it would be difficult to pay our bills, he respectfully declined. We are two years from being debt free at our current status. This is important for two reasons: 1. I don't feel that debt is wise, Biblical, or financially healthy and 2. we live in a two bedroom house with five people. We need to add on, sooner than later.

2. A few weeks ago, Richard interviewed for a promotion with Cintas. Longer hours, more responsibility, more stress, more money, lots more. They've interviewed at least 6 other people for the position, and due to the lack of response we're thinking Richard didn't get it. But really, we'd be okay with that. BUT still, we don't know for sure.

3. Some producer from LA listened to Affix's album and liked it. Again, no clue what this means.

4. The people from the church in Wheeling called Richard back (after interviewing several well-qualified applicants), and asked him to name his price.

I told Richard today that there are too many life altering possibilities hanging in the balance. We're trying so hard to discern God's voice in the midst of it all, but I'm confused. Just plain confused.