A Season for Everything

I realize I haven't blogged in a while, and therefore, the few readers I did have probably won't read this anyway, but I feel I must write. It's a re-emergence of sorts. I lost my job in October. The job I poured so much of the last 5 years of my life into. I felt like part of my identity was stripped from me; I would decide to pick up a book to read and found that my book shelves were littered with books on spiritual formation and the how-to's of youth ministry or a combination of the two. I really had no interest in reading either.

The day I lost my job, I also accepted a job coaching a 7th grade basketball team and (although it took me a few weeks to learn this) conceived my fourth child. Consequently, I spent the last 3 months of my life rearing 3 small children, balancing a fog of pregnancy hormones, as well as attempting to cope with the hormones of a bunch of junior high girls, while dealing with the usual doldrums that long winters bring . All while my husband trekked on being his hard-working, degree-earning, rock-star self. Don't get me wrong: I wasn't depressed. My life is too blessed for that. I just was in this strange state of existence that I'll leave at this:

-My house is a mess.
-My house is not organized.
-Our finances are not organized.
-My children have done little schooling.
-It took me all of January to regain command of the laundry. A small victory that I celebrated.
-My faith stretched, I believe to make room for growth sometime in the future.

I walked out of my church that day in October and haven't returned. Not even to collect the few belongings I have there. I don't want them. There was too much hurt to my weary soul there. The 12 year old girl in me is protecting my 29 year old self... She knows how cruel the church can be.

But last night as I was holding my 3 and 5 year old daughters as they cried because they miss their Sunday School class and teacher, I realized how much I miss the friends I had there. I miss my students. I miss my parents. I miss my partners. I just miss my friends.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

The Valley

This past weekend we had our 10-year high school reunion. We had about a 20% turn-out. I honestly don't think that is that bad of a turn-out. But I was disappointed with the number of people who live locally, who have jobs and homes and contribute to society, who didn't bother to come. Anyway, I was thinking about why they didn't come and it got me thinking about stigma of "staying in the Valley." I wonder if that's why some people didn't come. I don't necessarily think that they're embarassed that they stayed, as much as they thought others, who left, would think that we're not doing anything with our lives because we stayed in this place.

I guess to both parties I'd like to ask, "What would happen if we all left?" It's already called the "great brain drain." Everyone with intelligence and education leaves to find better jobs and better lives and this area falls by the wayside. I'm not sure if it's true. I think plenty of people value living near their families, living in a place with low cost of living, who are educated and able to contribute. Anyway, I just think it's horrible that A) people are embarrassed that they stayed and B) that people think they're better cause they left. Those of us who stayed have a a big job to do. And those who left - well, good luck :)


Sent from my BlackBerry Smartphone provided by Alltel

Homeschooling

Today ends the second week of my homeschooling adventure. So far - easy breezy.

Fears:
1. I would lack the self-discipline.
2. I'm not patient enough.

1. It doesn't take that much discipline. Honestly, it's fun. It doesn't take too long, and I find myself excited to spend the time with my girlies.
2. I'm not patient enough. But I'm working on this one.

Criticisms:
Most people who know me, know I'm more the capable of homeschooling my children, and that their education will probably be superior to public school, and so I don't receive a lot of criticism for that. However, the number ONE criticism I hear - over and 0ver - is that my kids are going to be some sort of anti-social freaks.

I could give some long drawn-out response to that, but I will say, that my children spend several hours playing with their siblings every day. They fight - and learn how to resolve it. For the most part, the get along well, respect each other, and learn much how to interact with each other. The world is a cruel place, and if I can teach my children how to behave and react in an encouraging home environment until they mature, I believe they'll handle social situations with more dignity than students who pick up baggage from the insecurities that those early school years develop. This is one criticism that has not been a fear of mine.

Joys:
1. Freedom of scheduling. I've always been a free-bird of sorts. So the freedom to do school after dinner, if needed, is awesome. Today, we didn't do school. We did half of today's stuff yesterday, and we'll do the other half, which is reading, over the weekend. It's BEAUTIFUL today and the girls have been outside playing all afternoon. I have the freedom to let them play today :)

2. Sonlight. I was extremely overwhelmed when I decided to homeschool and really started researching what all there is. Sonlight makes it so easy! I pull out the lesson plan binder and it's all right there. I really can't believe how easy it has made it. We're doing a Pre-K 4/5 curriculum with Evelyn (5) and Riley (3.5). And I'm doing K math and Language Arts 1 with Evelyn. We're moving slowly with those as she's not technically in kindergarten yet, but I can't believe how well she is reading!

3. Being part of the milestones.

4. This one is embarrassing for me to admit, but I really don't spend a lot of 'quality time' with the girls (at least not when I compare myself to other moms - tsk, tsk!). I work at the church part-time and like my house to be semi-clean, and it's easy to just pop in a video or send them outside. I've enjoyed spending the time with them - it's created a real bonding opportunity.

5. Surrounded by Faith. Our curriculum is so faith based. I love having Bible as a daily subject. The girls love reciting their verses for Daddy. It's definately a cool thing. :)

Ah, geeze....

It's been so long since I posted that I don't even know where to start! Here's a picture of the whole gang at Eric and Kayla's wedding. Riley hates to have her picture taken, which stinks because she's so stinking cute.

So what's been going on in my life:

1. I've gained weight. Gah! I've needed to lose 15 pounds since Gigi was born, and now I need to lose 20-25 pounds. That's not really fun. I love working out, but I don't always find the time to do it. (For example, I could be doing it now!) But the main cause is my lack of self-control when it comes to food. Anyway, the WiiFit told me the other day that I'm officially "over-weight" for my height and based on how small my pants are all getting, I'd have to agree. So I've been dieting - watching carbs and calories - and trying to exercise more.

2. Enjoying summer with my girls! I was so excited to have a summer with no babies! We hit up the pool a lot and just in general had fun this summer. Loved it.

3. Cleaning, sometimes cooking, cleaning, attempting to work, cleaning. I definately have too much on my plate because something always suffers in my life. For the past few weeks, I've been keeping the house clean, but I haven't been working as many hours. Etc. One thing always suffers in order to make way for another.

4. Homeschooling. This deserves a special post. :)

The Never-ending Struggle?

Since I was 16 and hit puberty head-on, I've struggled with my weight flucuating. I've struggled with working out on a regular basis. It's still the same struggle. Except now I'm as heavy as I've ever been and am almost technically overweight. I'd like to blame it on having 3 babies, and that may be what initially caused the gain, but I'm doing a fantastic job of keeping it on by my eating choices. The past 7 weeks have been go-go-go for us: 2 weeks at camp, a retreat, a slew of Affix gigs, and busyness with my job with no time to cook have led to eating a bunch of what I shouldn't and not much of what I should.

Ack. So here I go. I'm going to attempt a raw diet detox this week. Basically, only water and raw fruits and vegetables for at least a week. The best part of this diet is that you can eat as much as you want as far as the veggies are concerned. I'll let you know how it goes! I'm actually not going to committ to working out. One thing at a time. :)

My biggest struggle is going to be giving up my daily chai latte. Oh, I miss it already!


Sent from my BlackBerry Smartphone provided by Alltel

Switching Hats

It's July now, which my month of June is over. My month of two weeks of camp and 3 days of retreat are over. I wish I would have blogged more about these experiences, but obviously, I was busy on my in-between days. There were wonderful days and awful days, but mostly days filled with fun, faith, friends, and fellowship.

One of the hardest things though is switching back into SAHM roll. It's so wonderful having an adult to talk to first thing in the morning, co-laborers who help you through the days tasks, and prayer and Bible study times. I guess that is what makes it a retreat though.

Sent from my BlackBerry Smartphone provided by Alltel

Random thought

Riley is the age Evelyn was when I had Gigi, and Gigi is almost the age Riley was when I had Gigi. No wonder I wasn't happy about being pregnant! That was crazy and I'm giving myself a certificate of achievement for having 3 kids 3 and under!

Sent from my BlackBerry Smartphone provided by Alltel